Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
