This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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