I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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