Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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