I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
