I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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