babies were throwing up all over the place
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
