Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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