The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
