my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
