they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
