Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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