Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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