Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
