i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
