yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
