Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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