checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
