Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize