just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
