So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
