seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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