Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
