life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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