I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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