I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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