I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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