Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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