i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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