You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
