what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
