he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
