Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
