At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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