Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I supernannyed him into submission
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
