Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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