My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
