Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
