The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i think my cat just said my name.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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