what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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