Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
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I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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