I wish my penis had an off switch
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
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its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Floor bacon is actually really good
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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