Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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