NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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