Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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