How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
