if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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