I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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