so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
