mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
