hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
