I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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