i already hear my dad disowning me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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