Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
