2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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