Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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