well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
