from now on my penis is your penis
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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