all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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