You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
