I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
