I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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