He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
