im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
