out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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